Starting My Weight Loss Journey. The Beginning.

Awhile back (before getting pregnant with my first child who is now 4) I got the brilliant idea that I needed to start a fitness program. I needed to exercise and I needed to eat healthy. I was meal prepping and I had planned menus. I was working out and I was feeling great. And then I got pregnant. Which means I stopped working out and eating healthy. (which is not a great idea. I should have stuck with it but I didn't) I weighed 115lbs when I got pregnant. I was 160lbs when I gave birth. Ya, 45lbs gain.

19 weeks pregnant with my 1st, proof that I was looking good (even though I felt huge and thought I was fat back then)

Fast forward 3 years, I got pregnant with my second. I had done nothing to lose my baby weight from my first pregnancy. I weighed 160lbs. I was huge. I ate better but still wasn't that active. With all the complications from my first, and then miscarriage, I was so afraid of pushing myself and losing my little one. So I did nothing. Probably not my best decision but ones made out of fear usually aren't. 

19 Weeks with my 2nd. I was considerably larger (which I know happens with second babies). I felt awful. I was 160lbs when I got pregnant and 175lbs when I gave birth. I left the hospital weighing 160lbs.

I felt good that the baby weight had disappeared when I gave birth but that didn't last long. I was breastfeeding, and starving all the time. So I ate. A lot. I was told that my milk supply would drop if I didn't eat enough, so I ate all the time. Anytime I even thought I was hungry I ate. And we started eating out a lot as it was just easier with a newborn and a 3 year old. 

Fast forward again to present day. I currently fluctuate between 175 and 180. I'm not comfortable in most of my clothes. My youngest is 1 now, and I still wear my maternity clothes on a semi regular basis. I don't own a whole lot that fits me, and I don't want to buy more. I don't like what I see in the mirror. So I decided to do something about it. 

My mom bought me the 21 day fix for my birthday, and I'm doing it. I'm on day 4 of the diet, and day 3 of the workout (I skipped a day due to nasal congestion that made me unable to breathe through my nose at all and general sickness). My husband is doing it with me. I'm determined to not only lose weight, but to start living a healthier lifestyle. We as a family have fallen into some pretty bad habits (too much junk food and eating out). I want more for myself and for my family. So this time I've made a plan, I've found support, and I'm making it happen. I'm fresh out of excuses. 

Its doable, and I know that. I just need to do it. Eventually I don't want to be on a 'diet'. I just want to know how to eat right. Eventually I want to be able to trust myself to make the right choices when it comes to food, but for now I need the structure of a diet plan. This is a starting point. I know that healthy living is a lifelong commitment, and I'm ready to make it. 

I realize that there are going to be days where we eat out, or we have candy and junk food. Someday I will be able to have those things and enjoy them in moderation. But right now I can't have any, because I don't know what moderation is. I over indulge in most things. 

This journey isn't just about losing weight. Its about learning to trust and love myself again. Right now I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I don't trust myself to make healthy choices. But someday I will. And I took that first step. Now its just one day at a time.