Starting My Weight Loss Journey. The Beginning.

Awhile back (before getting pregnant with my first child who is now 4) I got the brilliant idea that I needed to start a fitness program. I needed to exercise and I needed to eat healthy. I was meal prepping and I had planned menus. I was working out and I was feeling great. And then I got pregnant. Which means I stopped working out and eating healthy. (which is not a great idea. I should have stuck with it but I didn't) I weighed 115lbs when I got pregnant. I was 160lbs when I gave birth. Ya, 45lbs gain.

19 weeks pregnant with my 1st, proof that I was looking good (even though I felt huge and thought I was fat back then)

Fast forward 3 years, I got pregnant with my second. I had done nothing to lose my baby weight from my first pregnancy. I weighed 160lbs. I was huge. I ate better but still wasn't that active. With all the complications from my first, and then miscarriage, I was so afraid of pushing myself and losing my little one. So I did nothing. Probably not my best decision but ones made out of fear usually aren't. 

19 Weeks with my 2nd. I was considerably larger (which I know happens with second babies). I felt awful. I was 160lbs when I got pregnant and 175lbs when I gave birth. I left the hospital weighing 160lbs.

I felt good that the baby weight had disappeared when I gave birth but that didn't last long. I was breastfeeding, and starving all the time. So I ate. A lot. I was told that my milk supply would drop if I didn't eat enough, so I ate all the time. Anytime I even thought I was hungry I ate. And we started eating out a lot as it was just easier with a newborn and a 3 year old. 

Fast forward again to present day. I currently fluctuate between 175 and 180. I'm not comfortable in most of my clothes. My youngest is 1 now, and I still wear my maternity clothes on a semi regular basis. I don't own a whole lot that fits me, and I don't want to buy more. I don't like what I see in the mirror. So I decided to do something about it. 

My mom bought me the 21 day fix for my birthday, and I'm doing it. I'm on day 4 of the diet, and day 3 of the workout (I skipped a day due to nasal congestion that made me unable to breathe through my nose at all and general sickness). My husband is doing it with me. I'm determined to not only lose weight, but to start living a healthier lifestyle. We as a family have fallen into some pretty bad habits (too much junk food and eating out). I want more for myself and for my family. So this time I've made a plan, I've found support, and I'm making it happen. I'm fresh out of excuses. 

Its doable, and I know that. I just need to do it. Eventually I don't want to be on a 'diet'. I just want to know how to eat right. Eventually I want to be able to trust myself to make the right choices when it comes to food, but for now I need the structure of a diet plan. This is a starting point. I know that healthy living is a lifelong commitment, and I'm ready to make it. 

I realize that there are going to be days where we eat out, or we have candy and junk food. Someday I will be able to have those things and enjoy them in moderation. But right now I can't have any, because I don't know what moderation is. I over indulge in most things. 

This journey isn't just about losing weight. Its about learning to trust and love myself again. Right now I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I don't trust myself to make healthy choices. But someday I will. And I took that first step. Now its just one day at a time.

Nadine West Review

Nadine West is a clothing subscription service, similar to StitchFix. The main difference is that Nadine West is completely free, unless you keep an item. You only pay for what you keep. There is no subscription fee or anything else. Each month you are sent 1 top, and 3 pieces of jewelry. The prices for each item varies, but I have yet to see something more than $25. Which is pretty affordable.

I have received 3 outfits so far, and I have kept 1 pair of earrings and sent everything else back. I'm actually not sure why I kept the earrings, but they are these cute little black plastic feathers, and at the time it seemed like a good idea.

Now each month they send you a letter telling you what they've sent you, and how much it all costs. Here's mine from my first and third times. (Since I don't seem to have a picture from the second time for some reason)

I was extremely excited to receive my first outfit. I had really high hopes of being able to find some new tops that would look amazing, and possibly even some jewelry, though that was secondary. I don't often wear anything but my rings, so that really didn't matter. Anyways, when I got my pink package I couldn't wait to see what I got. It was seriously exciting. Until I opened that package that is.

I received a top that was super thin, long sleeved and cute, but poorly made. It was obvious that wasn't going to hold up to being worn and washed. Possibly if I had the time to hand wash it, it might have been okay, but with 2 kids I don't have the time for delicates as an everyday occurrence. As I stated on the sheet (which you send back to them) I loved the top. It was a nice style, and it was pretty. But it didn't fit. And the quality was poor. I also received a very cute pair of stud earrings. I loved them. I wanted to keep them. But they were heavy, and the back didn't stay on, which means the earring kept falling out. I wasn't going to pay for something that I could never wear. I tried putting a back from a different earring on it to see if it would be tight enough, but that didn't work. I was really disappointed to send them back. Lastly, I received a bulky flower necklace. It was not my style, and seemed over priced for what it was. I sent it back without a second thought. 

Now, after my first time I emailed them my feedback as well, and was told it was added to my profile and hopefully next month would be better. I was excited with how quickly they responded and couldn't wait for next month.

I got Decembers outfit and was even more disappointed. I got another top that was super thin, and was already falling apart when I pulled it out of the package. It was a very nice deep teal color, but that was the only good thing. I felt that my feedback had been ignored. I got a second top that was super clingy (which doesn't work for me since I has a pooch from my kids and am well endowed), and the quality was still lacking. I did get the previously mentioned pair of plastic feather earrings that I kept. They were very cute and I have worn them a few times. I honestly don't remember what else I got, thats how little of an impression it left on me. I emailed them my feedback yet again, but it took some time before anyone bothered to respond. I actually had to email them a second time before I got a response. 

This brings us to January's outfit. I was so happy when I opened the package. They had sent me this beautiful black and white striped sweater. It was EXACTLY like something that I would have picked for myself. It was soft, and beautiful. I couldn't wait to try it on. I knew that if it fit I was going to keep it. And then I saw the size tag. It was a SMALL. I am a LARGE. The paper stated that they had sent me a large but in my package was a small. I was so disappointed. And frustrated. I immediately emailed them, and a day later received a response that they were sorry for the mistake and yes, my profile states large, and thats what I should have been sent. They offered to send me the same top in my next shipment. That would mean that in February the one top I would get would be the one I should have gotten in January. I declined. I told them that I felt that I was being gipped. That I didn't actually receive a top because of their error. They told me "Don't be sad, we'll make sure that you get a top as cute as the one that we just sent you." This was not the response I was looking for. 

At this moment I'm not impressed with Nadine West. They did nothing to correct an error that they admitted to making, which ended in the customer missing out. I feel that the customer service I have received has been subpar. Emails have gone unanswered, and I have had to contact them more than once in order to get a response. They failed to correct a mistake. The quality of the first 2 tops was lacking, as well as the quality of some of the jewelry. 

For the time being I will continue to receive the shipments, only because it doesn't cost me anything to do so. If I was paying for this service I would cancel right now. I would not pay to receive this subscription. I do hope that as I receive future orders they will be the correct size, and better quality. I also hope they improve their customer service, because right now its lacking. 

I currently would only recommend Nadine West because its free if you don't keep anything. That is the only pro that I have found so far. Everything else I have to say about this company is negative. If that changes in the future I will be sure to say for, but right now I am unimpressed. 

A little behind

So I have tried out two different pinterest recipes since my last post, and both of them turned out pretty good for the most part. I of course didn't think to take pictures, but I'm going to try them both again with a couple modifications, and I'll take pictures then. I'm going to wait till I do that to post what I tried, and how it turned out. It should be sometime soon though, since I'm using one of the recipes for my husband's homecoming, which is coming up here in the near future.

Speaking of homecoming, I'm starting to get things together for it. I am so excited. This has been a short deployment, but it is also the first one that we have gone through together. I'm trying to get everything ready so that its done. I still have a while to figure it all out, but I hate waiting till the last second. I really just want everything ready so that I can relax. Well, relax as much as possible considering I have 2 kids and I'm overly excited.

I need to start working out again. I was doing really well with it, but then I started to slack, and I just gave up. I tend to do that. I wish that I could find a work out that I enjoy doing, instead of it being a chore. I think if I enjoyed it, it would be easier to stick to it. I'm not saying that there wouldn't be days that I would hate it, but at least for the most part I would like it. I'm just not sure what type of work out I would enjoy. Maybe I just need to keep trying different things until I find what I like. That's probably the best way to do it. At some point I'll post my before pictures as well as my measurements, but I have to upload them, and I'm just to lazy for that right now. I seem to be too lazy to do much of anything right now.

I think having my mom, grandma, and sister come visit just took a lot out of me. I really enjoyed their visit, but now that they've gone home I seem to be exhausted. We did a TON of sight seeing, and were busy pretty much the entire time that they were here. Now that they've gone back to Colorado I just feel drained. I'm not use to shoving that much stuff into such a short period of time. They were here for 10 days and we went raspberry picking, hiking at Fort Casey, drove over Deception Pass, broke in my fire pit, watched fireworks, saw a parade, walked around the park, explored Port Townsend, and went to Coupeville. We also tried out a few different restuarants. We did all of that plus 3 doctors appointments, and Lillian had her first dance class. It was just a lot of go go go, and usually We only do a few things a week. This week has a ton of running around as well, but its more normal, low key things. It'll be nice to be getting back to normal. I do miss my family though. It was really nice to have them around for a bit. I didnt realize how much I miss living close to them until they came out here.

Speaking of doctors appointments, mine didnt go the way that I had hoped it would. Well, thats not totally true. I did get answers which is what I had hoped for. They just weren't the answers that I had wanted. I wanted to know what had caused my PE. And I had wanted it to be something simple that could be easily cured, and then I would be able to move on with my life. It is something simple, lupus anticoagulant, but there isn't a cure. Its something that I will have for the rest of my life, and have to take medication for. If I do my regular blood tests, take my meds, and pay attention to my body than I will be fine. It does mean changing some of the plans that I had for my life. Having more children is most likely out of the question. The risks would be high, and I'm not willing to pay the price if something goes wrong. I'm not willing to risk not seeing the two children I have grow up. I'm not willing to risk leaving them without a mother. I'm also not willing to risk losing a child. That's something that I know I couldn't handle. My heart feels broken over this. I wanted at least 3 children. I know that I am blessed to have the 2 that I do, I know that this is obviously what God has planned for me. I know that in the long run this is the right decision, but that doesn't mean that I am ready to except that, not yet at least. I need time to grieve over the rest of the children that I will never have. I need to grieve over the things that I wanted to do that I will no longer be able to. I will never feel a child kick me from inside, I will never grow another precious gift. I will never be pregnant again. I will never get to watch my body change as a beautiful baby grows inside me. And I am devastated. I wanted all of that. No matter how sick I was, or how miserable I got towards the end of my pregnancies, I loved it. I loved knowing that I was going to have another child. I loved seeing them on the ultrasound, and hearing their heartbeats, I loved feeling them kick, or get the hiccups. I will miss all of that. I regret that I didn't enjoy those things more while I was pregnant with Landon and Lillian. I thought I would get to do it again. I should have enjoyed it all more. But I enjoyed it as much as I could. I'm just trying to come to terms with all of this. I know that I could have another, but the risks are too high. Both my pregnancies were high risk, and all the things that happened can be linked to my having the lupus anticoagulant. It all makes sense now. The placental abruption, the preterm labor, the miscarriage, the umbilical cord with Landon, the blood clots. All of these are risks associated with this. And it would be selfish to have more children when I know the risks. Someday I will make peace with this, but I'm not to that place yet. I still need time. God has a plan, and I need to trust in that.

Well now that I've made myself cry I'm going to go snuggle my two little ones. I'm going to go enjoy them as much as I can. I am happy in my life. I am blessed beyond what I could ever have hoped for. I have all that I need and much of what I want. I am content. I just need to remember that when things get difficult. My husband will be home soon, and then we can work through this together. God is watching over us. I know that in time it'll all be okay. I just need to have a little extra faith.

Stawberries

So I have figured out what to blog about. And I know that it isn't completely original BUT it will be something that keeps me busy, which is a good thing. Having an actual direction, and not just saying that oh I'm going to blog seems like a much better plan. So each week I am going to try something that I find on pinterest. It could be anything, from a recipe, craft, or who knows what else. I have so many thing that I pin that I want to try and I never get around to. But I'm going to get around to them now. Starting here in the very near future. I would say right now, but I have family coming into town, so I know that nothing is going to get done while they are here. We will all be too busy catching up and doing nothing. Which sounds amazing.

A post about something with strawberries will be coming soon though. We've gone to the strawberry patch twice in the past couple weeks and picked just under 18lbs worth of strawberries. I have to find things to do with them. So stay tuned. There is posts coming. And I'm sure that some week will just be ranting, or random thoughts, but I'll attempt to stay focused. Though that doesnt seem to be my forte. We will see. :)

Speaking of strawberry picking, I've decided that it is amazing. My daughter LOVES it. Which is a giant win. Its active, its outside, and she asks to go. Sounds perfect. Luckily for us Dugualla Bay Farms is right down the road from us. They have the BEST ice cream that I have ever tasted, and if you watch for their specials you can get the U-Pick strawberries for 99cents a pound, which is why we picked so many. I froze our entire first batch, which was 9 lbs. I'm probably going to freeze most of this second batch as well, after making at least one tasty treat. And probably some more yogurt muffins, because those were super tasty.

Enjoying the fantastic ice cream

Our haul from the first day. It was great. I wish I had taken pictures the second time, but I just never got around to it.

Baby wearing the entire time we picked the first time did NOT go over very well. It made it really hard to pick, and I ended up really sore. But little man slept the whole time, which was a good thing. The second time we used the stroller for him, and that worked out much better.

Lillian just loves her strawberries. I think she would live on them if I let her. At least she likes healthy things, instead of candy and junk food.

Changes. Catching up. Babble.

It would seem that I'm not very good at keeping a blog. BUT! I'm going to get better. I know that I always say that, but this time I actually mean it. It makes me feel better, so if nothing else its at least a form of therapy. And it keeps track of all the things that I do. Then, when I feel like I do nothing, I can look back at all the things that I actually did do. It's like when I use to write (which by the way, I miss doing and need to start again), except this isn't a work of fiction. So we will see how it goes. Maybe I just need to schedule to blog once a week or something. I need to hold myself accountable, and thats what I'm going to start doing.

Anyways, a lot has changed over the past year (wow its really been a year since I last blogged anything, thats really kind of sad). We finally did get pregnant, last June, right after I quit posting for so long. We now have a very handsome 4 month old little boy. Lillian is an amazing big sister, and I love my 2 kids. I cant believe that I ever for a second thought that there wasn't enough love for two, because there is. There really is. They are both healthy, and beautiful, and perfect. They make my life perfect. Seriously. I know it sounds ridiculous, but its true. They are everything I could have asked for. There's times when they are little brats, and I want to pull my hair out, and duct tape them to the ceiling fan. There are times when its hard, and I'm tired. But when I see them smile, or hear them giggle, it reminds me why I didnt throw them out a window, or run away screaming. Because really, they are amazing. Being a wife and a mom is everything that I ever wanted, and I'm so proud of my little family. At some point I'll write Landon's birth story, and all the events I've skipped over that lead up to it. But thats something for another time.

After we had Landon I had a pulmonary embolism, which sucked. I'm still taking medication for it, and going to doctors, and trying to figure out what caused it. Really hoping to get some answers sometime in the near future, but thats in God's hands, and I trust that he knows best. Brandon was in the hospital back in September for a GI bleed, but that resolved itself pretty quickly, thank God. I was really worried that we were going to lose him, but eating healthier, and taking better care of himself is all it took to solve the issue. I will spend the rest of my life thanking God for my husband's health. And my children's health. And my health.

In other big news, we moved! And not just to somewhere else in Colorado. We have moved all the way to Washington! I now live on an island (Whidbey Island to be exact). It so beautiful here, but its going to take some getting use to. We've only been here a month so far. It took them 2 weeks to deliver our stuff to us, so I'm still working on unpacking and organizing everything. It would be easier if I had help, but Brandon left for deployment not long after we got here, so I'm doing it on my own. This is our first deployment, and its a short one, thankfully. I'm already counting down the days till he gets home. But until then, I'm doing everything that I can to stay busy, and not think about it too much.

I've been trying to make new friends, which seems to be a lot harder than you would think. Making friends as an adult is actually really difficult. I miss the days when I had my best girl friend to hang out with all the time. I keep hoping that I'll find a few friends here that I can be close with, but its hard. I know that if I give it time and effort it'll happen, but I'm not a very patient person.

Also trying to find things to get the kids involved in. Not so much Landon because he's so little, but Lillian. I feel like she needs to interact with kids more often. She needs to make friends of her own. I'm thinking about putting her into a dance class or something. Really anything that will get her out of the house and meeting other kids her age. We'll see how that goes. Living on this island there really aren't that many option for anything.

I've started trying out new things, canning, improving my crochet skills, and things like that. Those things will get their own posts later. I also have some posts from the past that I kept meaning to publish but I never did. So I'll be working on getting that taken care of. I think thats everything for now, at least that I can think of.

Hopefully there will be a post later this week, or at least next Monday. We shall see though. I can do this. Right?

Let's make a cake!

Recently I made a wedding cake for a couple friends of ours. It was actually a lot easier than I had thought that it was going to be. It was a pretty simple cake, and I didn't go that over the top in the way I decorated it, but it did turn out pretty nice. It wasn't as perfect as a professional cake would have been, but I was still proud of myself. So here's how I did it.

First I gathered all of my ingredients, baking dishes, and anything I thought I was going to need. I didnt want to have to go searching for something in the middle of making the cake. 

Next I greased all of my pans so that once the batter was mixed it wouldn't sit around for too long. I could just pour the mix into the pan right away and get it baking. 

I put a light dusting of flour on top of the grease to make completely sure that my cakes weren't going to stick to the pan. I didn't want to risk having to remake anything. 

Just use a little flour and gently tilt the pan till the bottom and sides are completely coated with the flour. 

Once everything is coated turn the pan upside down and gently tap to remove any leftover flour. I did this over the sink so that I wouldnt have a huge mess to clean up. 

The next step was to simply make the cakes according to the box directions. Normally I would have made the cake from scratch, but I was a little short on time, and wanted to make sure that I wasnt going to have to rush. 

Once the cake came out of the oven I let it cool on a wire rack for about 15 minutes, or until I could turn the pan over without burning my hand. 

I placed the cake(s) on the pans I was going to be icing them on and set them in the fridge. You could just let them sit on the counter until they're completely cool, but I needed them to cool as quickly as I could so I used the fridge. 

Once they were cool I did what is called "dirty icing" which is just a very thin layer of frosting over the entire cake. After this layer was put on, the cakes were returned to the fridge. I left them in the fridge until the icing was completely firm to the touch. 

After the icing was solid I then stacked the cakes on top of each other, and placed a bamboo rod through the center to hold everything in place. The cakes were then iced with a thick layer of icing. I used a spatula to get the icing as smooth as I could. 

Next came the decorating. This part was actually fairly easy. It was just simply a thin line of icing around each layer of the cake. I have a cake decorating thingy, which in my opinion makes life easier. I do tend to use it mainly for making pretty cupcakes. 

The roses I had bought from Micheal's. I put a little dab of icing on the bottom of each rose and pushed them into the cake where I wanted them. 

The whole thing then went back in the fridge until the next day when we took it to the reception. It wasn't the most perfect cake but it was fairly easy, and fun at the same time. I definitely want to try other decorations and what not in the future. I just need more reasons to make cakes. 

Also, next time I make a cake like this I think I'll put a little frosting on the bottom of the bottom layer so that it sticks to the tray. I was surprised by how solid this cake seemed to be. I had been worried that it would slide apart, but it stayed together really well. It also tasted great. 

So that was my project last week. This week we have some glitter jars to make. We'll see how those turn out. Lillian loves glitter, so we may end up with nothing more than a huge mess. 

There's also a bunch of new stories just waiting to be read at Wickedly Twisted Tales, so you should go check them out as well!

Finally!

Lillian is now almost completely potty trained. Literally one day she was refusing to go in the potty, and then the next she did, all on her own. We did give her rewards for when she went in the potty. I printed off a sticker chart that I found online (here) and she got one sticker for pee and two for poop. After about two weeks we stopped giving her stickers, and so far she keeps going in the potty. She just goes on her own now. We still need to get her potty trained at night and when we leave the house. So far she just wears pull ups when we arent at home and at bedtime. I'm thinking were going to try to take her grocery shopping in regular undies this weekend and see how it goes.


Lillian is talking more and more every day. She seems to love to talk all the time. Its amazing all the new things that she has learned to say. She's getting very good at expressing herself and what she wants and thinks. She loves to color, and giggle. All the time. She's learned to cross her eyes and thinks that its the funniest thing in the world. Its cute how hilarious she is.


I'm also trying to get things ready for when we leave for Idaho. We're going to be gone almost the entire month of June visiting the husband's family. I'm excited, and it'll be nice to relax for a bit. I think I need a vacation. There is just so much to go before we leave, and I know that I still have a month to get ready but that doesnt feel like enough time right now. I'm making lists of all the things that need to be done before we go, so hopefully that will make it easier. I'm also making lists for what all needs to be packed so that we dont forget anything, or over pack like I did last year. I think that I brought almost everything that we owned last time. It was pretty ridiculous. I'm going to try really hard not to do that this year. I'm also not going to worry so much about packing Lillian's stuff based on exact outfits with matching hair bows and all of that. I think I'm just going to make sure she has enough to wear, and if she runs out I can do laundry while were at his mom's. Okay, to be honest I'm going to over pack. I always do. I would rather have too much then not enough.


I also need to get the two chapters of Sleeping Beauty that will post in June written before we leave. I dont want to have to worry about them while on vacation. That means I need to get May's written first. I'm hoping that by the 15th I'll have the four chapters done and scheduled. We will see how that goes. The latest chapter of Sleeping Beauty is up Chapter 4. There are also a lot of new posts by all the other authors up. They are all pretty great as well.


I have a few crafts and things that I'm trying to get done at the moment as well. I'll post them as I get to doing them. I'm thinking more glitter jars, finishing the afghan, and maybe some other things. I figure the busier I keep myself the less I'll stress about leaving for vacation. We'll see how that goes.