Okay, so I need to say this. I am afraid to get pregnant again. I had my iud taken out, and now I am stressing about getting pregnant. I know that I had it taken out simply so that Brandon and I could start trying for our second child, but now I am rethinking the whole thing. It isnt because I dont think we are ready or because I dont want another one. Its more because I never lost my baby weight from my first and it makes me self conscience. I know that sounds crazy, and slightly ridiculous. I know that when pregnant it is normal to gain weight, but I want to lose it. I want to be back to where I was before I had a baby. I know that my body weight is not a reason not to have our second kid. I know that it is selfish. I know that I will never be back to where I was before. I just wish that I had tried harder in the past almost two years to lose the weight. Maybe then I wouldnt be so scared about gaining weight again. My grandma and mom keep making comments about my weight and it makes me sad. It makes me feel bad about myself. I hate it. I just want to feel good about myself, but every time that I do someone has to go and shit on me. I just wish that people would stop raining in my parade. Maybe this is my whole problem. Maybe I just need to suck it up. I know that Brandon loves me exactly how I am, and we are ready for this next step. I just need to stop worrying bout how I look. I guess. I dont know. Okay, I'm done ranting for tonight. I feel better now.

And it begins.

I have decided to start a blog, just simply because it's nice to have somewhere to post my thoughts to. It also lets me look back and see how my life is going. Right now I'm working on getting back into all of the things I loved doing before I had my daughter, and finding ways to incorporate her into some of them. Having a wonderful fiance who supports all of my goals makes it all so much easier. This month we are focusing on writing, since it's camp nanowrimo. Next month we'll work on the drawing, and art type things. I am trying to teach myself to crochet, but we'll see how that turns out. Here's to a new blog, and hoping I can manage to actually keep up with it!