Thursday, August 30, 2012

Okay, so I need to say this. I am afraid to get pregnant again. I had my iud taken out, and now I am stressing about getting pregnant. I know that I had it taken out simply so that Brandon and I could start trying for our second child, but now I am rethinking the whole thing. It isnt because I dont think we are ready or because I dont want another one. Its more because I never lost my baby weight from my first and it makes me self conscience. I know that sounds crazy, and slightly ridiculous. I know that when pregnant it is normal to gain weight, but I want to lose it. I want to be back to where I was before I had a baby. I know that my body weight is not a reason not to have our second kid. I know that it is selfish. I know that I will never be back to where I was before. I just wish that I had tried harder in the past almost two years to lose the weight. Maybe then I wouldnt be so scared about gaining weight again. My grandma and mom keep making comments about my weight and it makes me sad. It makes me feel bad about myself. I hate it. I just want to feel good about myself, but every time that I do someone has to go and shit on me. I just wish that people would stop raining in my parade. Maybe this is my whole problem. Maybe I just need to suck it up. I know that Brandon loves me exactly how I am, and we are ready for this next step. I just need to stop worrying bout how I look. I guess. I dont know. Okay, I'm done ranting for tonight. I feel better now.

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