A little behind

So I have tried out two different pinterest recipes since my last post, and both of them turned out pretty good for the most part. I of course didn't think to take pictures, but I'm going to try them both again with a couple modifications, and I'll take pictures then. I'm going to wait till I do that to post what I tried, and how it turned out. It should be sometime soon though, since I'm using one of the recipes for my husband's homecoming, which is coming up here in the near future.

Speaking of homecoming, I'm starting to get things together for it. I am so excited. This has been a short deployment, but it is also the first one that we have gone through together. I'm trying to get everything ready so that its done. I still have a while to figure it all out, but I hate waiting till the last second. I really just want everything ready so that I can relax. Well, relax as much as possible considering I have 2 kids and I'm overly excited.

I need to start working out again. I was doing really well with it, but then I started to slack, and I just gave up. I tend to do that. I wish that I could find a work out that I enjoy doing, instead of it being a chore. I think if I enjoyed it, it would be easier to stick to it. I'm not saying that there wouldn't be days that I would hate it, but at least for the most part I would like it. I'm just not sure what type of work out I would enjoy. Maybe I just need to keep trying different things until I find what I like. That's probably the best way to do it. At some point I'll post my before pictures as well as my measurements, but I have to upload them, and I'm just to lazy for that right now. I seem to be too lazy to do much of anything right now.

I think having my mom, grandma, and sister come visit just took a lot out of me. I really enjoyed their visit, but now that they've gone home I seem to be exhausted. We did a TON of sight seeing, and were busy pretty much the entire time that they were here. Now that they've gone back to Colorado I just feel drained. I'm not use to shoving that much stuff into such a short period of time. They were here for 10 days and we went raspberry picking, hiking at Fort Casey, drove over Deception Pass, broke in my fire pit, watched fireworks, saw a parade, walked around the park, explored Port Townsend, and went to Coupeville. We also tried out a few different restuarants. We did all of that plus 3 doctors appointments, and Lillian had her first dance class. It was just a lot of go go go, and usually We only do a few things a week. This week has a ton of running around as well, but its more normal, low key things. It'll be nice to be getting back to normal. I do miss my family though. It was really nice to have them around for a bit. I didnt realize how much I miss living close to them until they came out here.

Speaking of doctors appointments, mine didnt go the way that I had hoped it would. Well, thats not totally true. I did get answers which is what I had hoped for. They just weren't the answers that I had wanted. I wanted to know what had caused my PE. And I had wanted it to be something simple that could be easily cured, and then I would be able to move on with my life. It is something simple, lupus anticoagulant, but there isn't a cure. Its something that I will have for the rest of my life, and have to take medication for. If I do my regular blood tests, take my meds, and pay attention to my body than I will be fine. It does mean changing some of the plans that I had for my life. Having more children is most likely out of the question. The risks would be high, and I'm not willing to pay the price if something goes wrong. I'm not willing to risk not seeing the two children I have grow up. I'm not willing to risk leaving them without a mother. I'm also not willing to risk losing a child. That's something that I know I couldn't handle. My heart feels broken over this. I wanted at least 3 children. I know that I am blessed to have the 2 that I do, I know that this is obviously what God has planned for me. I know that in the long run this is the right decision, but that doesn't mean that I am ready to except that, not yet at least. I need time to grieve over the rest of the children that I will never have. I need to grieve over the things that I wanted to do that I will no longer be able to. I will never feel a child kick me from inside, I will never grow another precious gift. I will never be pregnant again. I will never get to watch my body change as a beautiful baby grows inside me. And I am devastated. I wanted all of that. No matter how sick I was, or how miserable I got towards the end of my pregnancies, I loved it. I loved knowing that I was going to have another child. I loved seeing them on the ultrasound, and hearing their heartbeats, I loved feeling them kick, or get the hiccups. I will miss all of that. I regret that I didn't enjoy those things more while I was pregnant with Landon and Lillian. I thought I would get to do it again. I should have enjoyed it all more. But I enjoyed it as much as I could. I'm just trying to come to terms with all of this. I know that I could have another, but the risks are too high. Both my pregnancies were high risk, and all the things that happened can be linked to my having the lupus anticoagulant. It all makes sense now. The placental abruption, the preterm labor, the miscarriage, the umbilical cord with Landon, the blood clots. All of these are risks associated with this. And it would be selfish to have more children when I know the risks. Someday I will make peace with this, but I'm not to that place yet. I still need time. God has a plan, and I need to trust in that.

Well now that I've made myself cry I'm going to go snuggle my two little ones. I'm going to go enjoy them as much as I can. I am happy in my life. I am blessed beyond what I could ever have hoped for. I have all that I need and much of what I want. I am content. I just need to remember that when things get difficult. My husband will be home soon, and then we can work through this together. God is watching over us. I know that in time it'll all be okay. I just need to have a little extra faith.

Let's make a cake!

Recently I made a wedding cake for a couple friends of ours. It was actually a lot easier than I had thought that it was going to be. It was a pretty simple cake, and I didn't go that over the top in the way I decorated it, but it did turn out pretty nice. It wasn't as perfect as a professional cake would have been, but I was still proud of myself. So here's how I did it.

First I gathered all of my ingredients, baking dishes, and anything I thought I was going to need. I didnt want to have to go searching for something in the middle of making the cake. 

Next I greased all of my pans so that once the batter was mixed it wouldn't sit around for too long. I could just pour the mix into the pan right away and get it baking. 

I put a light dusting of flour on top of the grease to make completely sure that my cakes weren't going to stick to the pan. I didn't want to risk having to remake anything. 

Just use a little flour and gently tilt the pan till the bottom and sides are completely coated with the flour. 

Once everything is coated turn the pan upside down and gently tap to remove any leftover flour. I did this over the sink so that I wouldnt have a huge mess to clean up. 

The next step was to simply make the cakes according to the box directions. Normally I would have made the cake from scratch, but I was a little short on time, and wanted to make sure that I wasnt going to have to rush. 

Once the cake came out of the oven I let it cool on a wire rack for about 15 minutes, or until I could turn the pan over without burning my hand. 

I placed the cake(s) on the pans I was going to be icing them on and set them in the fridge. You could just let them sit on the counter until they're completely cool, but I needed them to cool as quickly as I could so I used the fridge. 

Once they were cool I did what is called "dirty icing" which is just a very thin layer of frosting over the entire cake. After this layer was put on, the cakes were returned to the fridge. I left them in the fridge until the icing was completely firm to the touch. 

After the icing was solid I then stacked the cakes on top of each other, and placed a bamboo rod through the center to hold everything in place. The cakes were then iced with a thick layer of icing. I used a spatula to get the icing as smooth as I could. 

Next came the decorating. This part was actually fairly easy. It was just simply a thin line of icing around each layer of the cake. I have a cake decorating thingy, which in my opinion makes life easier. I do tend to use it mainly for making pretty cupcakes. 

The roses I had bought from Micheal's. I put a little dab of icing on the bottom of each rose and pushed them into the cake where I wanted them. 

The whole thing then went back in the fridge until the next day when we took it to the reception. It wasn't the most perfect cake but it was fairly easy, and fun at the same time. I definitely want to try other decorations and what not in the future. I just need more reasons to make cakes. 

Also, next time I make a cake like this I think I'll put a little frosting on the bottom of the bottom layer so that it sticks to the tray. I was surprised by how solid this cake seemed to be. I had been worried that it would slide apart, but it stayed together really well. It also tasted great. 

So that was my project last week. This week we have some glitter jars to make. We'll see how those turn out. Lillian loves glitter, so we may end up with nothing more than a huge mess. 

There's also a bunch of new stories just waiting to be read at Wickedly Twisted Tales, so you should go check them out as well!

Everything is getting done!

So this week has seemed so busy for some reason. I still cant figure out why, since there really wasnt that much to do. I guess its probably because Easter is on Sunday, and it takes forever to get ready for anything. I have made progress on some of my goals, which is exciting! I am actually really proud of all the things that have actually gotten done, or at least started over this past week.

There is a new chapter of Sleeping Beauty that went up at 8 am this morning. You can check it out here http://wickedlytwistedtales.blogspot.com/2013/03/sleeping-beauty_28.html . Please leave me some feedback if you do check it out. I would love to know what people are thinking as they read it. I've been trying to promote the blog as much as possible so that we can get more readers. The other author's works are pretty great as well, so check them out after you read mine. Twitter seems to be the easiest for promoting everything. My twitter is @SaraEcho for anyone who might care to follow me. (I really could use more followers, it would make promoting everything easier.)

I have also been working hard on Lillian's afghan. I am really proud of how far I have gotten so quickly. I am already one skein of yarn in, and started on the second. I think that its going to be beautiful when I finally finish it. I did make it larger than I had planned on, but thats okay. Its going to work great as a blanket on her queen sized bed this summer. I really enjoy crocheting. I cant wait to take more classes and get better at it. It seems to be really calming, which is awesome. Here's the blanket so far.

We have also been working hard on potty training. Lillian doesnt seem to really want to, which makes it hard. She doesnt care if there's poop or pee in her diaper or underwear. It doenst seeem to bother her at all. She does like to sit on the potty, which is a start. She also knows how to tell me when she goes potty. If we could only get her to tell us before she goes I think she would be potty trained in a second. She loves to put her monkey on the potty. The other day he even took a nap there. Which is really cute, and kind of gross at the same time. The monkey finally got washed, and it looks almost brand new. Luckily Lillian didnt mind me cleaning him. Here's where she tucked monkey in for his nap the other day. It was really sweet of her. She takes such great care of her monkey.

Lillian also got to see her grandpa, which was awesome. He had a layover in Denver on his way back home to Idaho, and so we went to see him at the airport. It was nice for him to get to spend a couple of hours with her. I really do wish that Brandon's family lived closer so that we could see them more often. I do talk to MaK every so often, and his mom video calls Lillian almost everyday. I'm grateful for the technology that we have today, because without they would miss out on seeing her growup, which doesnt seem fair. We are going to Idaho for around 20 days or so in June, which will be fun. I'm really excited to go this time, instead of nervous like I was last year. Of course this time I know everyone, know that we all get along and love each other, and Brandon and I are married. Its going to be a great vacation. 

We are still working on the getting pregnant thing, but so far no luck. I am afraid that its not going to happen, and I know thats silly. I mean we were pregnant in November, we can do it again. I'm just afraid that we'll have another miscarriage, and I dont know how I would handle that. It was so hard to lose that baby, and to know that we wont ever get to know that child. I know that God will send us our second when the time is right, I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. Sooner as in this month. I really need to work on being patient. 

Now all I need to do is get my house clean, start on my novel, and figure out how to find more story competitions to submit my shorts to. I am so excited for the way everything has been going, and I am excited for everything to continue. Its a beautiful life, and I know that I only have God to thank for all my blessings.